Hey Jealousy!

Why? This is the first question that comes to mind when I hear the word jealousy, even when it's an emotion I have. The only way I'm going to release this is to talk it out. Here goes: Fear is the root of jealousy. Fear is the root of many emotions. When a woman is jealous of her spouse spending times with others, it's actually revealing a fear that he is going to find them more interesting and leave her. When a man is jealous of how his spouse views other men concerning their looks, it reveals an insecurity in himself that he is not desirable enough for his spouse. The common theme in these scenarios is that jealousy is based on fear of inadequacy, being left, or a poor self image. When one operates in jealousy it seems that the other person should be changing, when in reality I am the one in need of changing. A healthy relationship is one that operates from trust, not needing to be in constant reassurance. Again I come back to the question I began with: why? Why is this so hard to grasp? I find myself on a semi-regular basis questioning whether I am good enough to be someone's companion and if so, am I worth it for that person to stick around. Today I am making a draw on faith and am calling forth those things that are not as though they are. I declare a confidence in myself that I am worth it. I am worthy of love. I speak to fear and declare that YOU have no place in me. I am laying aside jealousy and picking up the word Yahweh spoke. It is finished.

Religious vs. Oblivious

I'm visiting my family in Chicago, Illinois. Well, Des Plaines, Illinois to be exact. The whole slew of yelling Italians are typical to their heritage: Catholic heathens. As far as a relationship with our Father, well it only comes through a priest on Sundays. I'm sure you're wondering where this is going. Let me cut to the chase. I, on a regular basis, have an intimate relationship with Yahweh and was worried about being away from my regular environment. Going back a touch, I went to Texas over Christmas last year to visit my stepdad's parents, my grandparents. They are extremely involved with church and are also very religious. This environment was awful! I had to constantly fight off spirits and mindsets through the entirety of our stay. Now progressing to the present, this environment is so easy to be in. These people have no relationship with Yahweh and in essence have no desire to. I have not felt threatened or attacked by the enemy the entire time I've been here. I feel like I'm talking in circles. My point is this: where we should feel safer with fellow believers, often times we feel worse! This may be old new to you but to me, this is new revelation. In closing, this should be a point of intercession continually.

Blessings all.

Emracing the process

Once again I find myself starting a process. Yahweh is truly a God of process...the journey. At this moment I am learning to be content but not complacent. Wow. Our Adamic nature has made this a fine line yet in the spiritual there's a gaping hole in between. So let's be honest for a moment, I don't know how to do this!! I either find myself running full force and longing so much for the next dimension that I'm not content with the word Yahweh has given me for this season OR I find myself not really pressing in but just "being", becoming oblivious to the word for today. Can I get an "amen!" or "I've totally been there!"? What made me think of this is the Shane and Shane song "I Miss You". While listening I thought, "are they talking to a woman or to Yahweh?". I genuinely miss Him at this moment. Even though I know He is at my side or dwelling within me, however you choose to see it, I feel like He is slightly out of reach for this mind that is divided by Babylon and Kingdom. To reach the "Godhead dwelling" dimension my mind can no longer be divided. This spirit, mind, and body must be completely kingdom. Today I speak to mind: Quiet yourself! Spirit: Rise up! Body: Line up!!
I declare that I will be content with where I am in this season but will continue to yearn after Yahweh with a fiery passion! Yes I said it: PASSION!! Complacency will no longer have a hold on me!

Fasting: Winning and Losing

Well it seems this is a battle I thought I had won before the fighting even began. I was just so sure that I would not have any problems with this word and would walk it out perfectly to a T. Once again I find myself stunned and proven wrong. I started yesterday and have already failed miserably. I had an apple and a peach in the morning and then decided not to eat again. 8:00 pm hits and I'm dizzy, nauseous, and have a headache. My remedy? Double cheeseburger, fries, and fried pickles. Yum! and Fail! Tuesday I decide is a new day. So with a fresh start I make it to 2:00. I scarf a sandwich. Needless to say, I've given up on today. Wow Sara, really? It is just food! Ridiculous. What I will say is this, we serve a gracious God that is understanding and rooting for us even after we fail. Therefore, tomorrow is a new day. I have decided to take this one day at a time with a short term goal to start out. If one decides to be a runner, he cannot run 15 miles the first time. He has to work his way up to that. This is the same with fasting. Tomorrow I will fast the whole day and then eat on Thursday. I believe if I have an end goal I can make it through the day. I declare a refreshing in the morning and a drive to please my Father whole heartedly. I also declare that I will hear what Yahweh has for me tomorrow, especially in reguards to Grandpa Ken. Praise You, Yahweh for being a faithful Father! I choose to be found faithful in Your eyes!

Grandpa Ken

"Ken Loehman passed away last night." Hearing these words was something I honestly thought I would not hear for at least 40 more years. I was proven wrong when Zack called me five minutes ago and told me. Wow. That seems to be all I can say at the moment. Don't get me wrong there are thousands of questions going through my head and a definite urgency to intercede for the family but overall I am in shock. All that is coming to me is this: Ken's spirit man was being built up so much that his earthly man could not handle it. His body just was not capable of housing the mighty man he was always intended to be.
Now, after typing that I do realize that that could just be speculation or an excuse for what we thought Yahweh's word was for this situation. But what I do know is that there is a very fervent people here that are ready to press in to Yahweh full force to hear what happened and gain wisdom on how to proceed. I do know that Yahweh asking me to fast was obviously very purposed for this exact time. I speak peace to the Kiehn family and ask for wisdom to be given to the presbytery.

Ken Loehman, you will be missed on this earth but I am so stoked you're dancing with Yahweh and Yeshua in heavenly places.

Balancing my checkbook

So, first off, is checkbook one or two words? oh well.
As of last week I started using the documentation booklet that comes with your checkbook. As of today, I balanced it. Can I just say, what an eye opener?!! The way that I started when I first received my checks was to write a check and/or use my debit card and ALWAYS write it down. Then as time went on I started relying on my online account. For some reason this logic was just proven to me to be faulty. The reason I say that is because the numbers just started adding up, (pun intended). My online account will show how much money is in there before an actual transaction goes through. What I realized though is that sometimes checks don't go through until later and then BAM!! you have an overdraft for a check you totally forgot about!
So...I decided to relate this somewhat to my spiritual journey. If I fully rely on old revelation to get me through things, when the hard stuff, the current season that needs new revelation, comes BAM!! I get an "overdraft" per say because I haven't mined out the word for that season. I then find myself searching frantically for a word to fit in that season so I won't be in the red. NO NO NO!! This is completely out of order and not the way Yahweh has set things up!! Just like my checkbook, I must always be in the rest yet in right order yielding to Yahweh and hearing/listening (two very different things) for what His word is for every season. In conclusion, today is marked. I have drawn the line in the sand and have made a choice to line up with Yahweh's perfect order. I will continue keeping up with my finances so as to be a faithful son/steward over the things I have been entrusted with AND I will be found faithful to mine out Yahweh's word for every season, even if that entails worshiping Him for who is.

Love ya. Bless ya. Bye. ;)

Sherlock Holmes

This was one of the coolest movies i have ever seen. I will admit, when this first came out, i wanted to see it. Then i saw a small glimse and hated it. Needless to say, I was making blanketed statements based on a very small analysis. SO I am here to say that I stand corrected!!! Did you know Guy Richie produced this?? That right there makes me love this movie even more. Not to mention the effects and slow motion. OH MY GOSH. I'm floored and so ready to see this again...hopefully with my manpanion when he returns. :))